Metaphors and Similes never looked so good

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2013-02-15The beach was more deserted than...View all submissions (3)

2013-01-15You are so bald...View all submissions (4)

2012-12-04Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like...View all submissions (15)

2012-11-17One more pair of Christmas socks and...View all submissions (1)

2012-11-16If Christmas starts any sooner next year...View all submissions (0)

2012-11-15That secret santa present...View all submissions (0)

2012-10-10His handshake was so limp...View all submissions (6)

2012-09-09I'm going to punch you so hard...View all submissions (9)

2012-09-03My head is so all over the place, it feels like...View all submissions (5)

2012-08-22Her chest is so full of silicone...View all submissions (2)

2012-08-20This weather is more unpredictable than...View all submissions (3)

2012-08-13Now the Olympics is over I've got as much to do as...View all submissions (4)

2012-08-09Every time an British athlete doesn't sing the national anthem Piers Morgan cries like a...View all submissions (1)

2012-08-08Watching Eastenders every day must be like...View all submissions (3)

2012-08-07I want you to read this script like...View all submissions (2)

2012-08-06Being part of the "Independent Olympic Athletes" team is a bit like...View all submissions (2)

2012-08-05Being part of the men's synchronised swimming team makes me prouder than...View all submissions (1)

2012-08-04After running the marathon my shorts were chafing like...View all submissions (1)

2012-08-03The weightlifters strain so hard they...View all submissions (0)

2012-08-02Getting a boner watching the gynastics is like...View all submissions (0)

2012-08-01Now I've shaved my balls I'll be able to swim like...View all submissions (3)

2012-07-31If I watch one more minute of Olympic sport...View all submissions (2)

2012-07-30Britain has less chance of topping the Olympic medal tables than...View all submissions (3)

2012-07-25Anne Hathaway in a cat suit is like...View all submissions (10)

2012-07-24This heat is making me thirstier than...View all submissions (5)

2012-07-19Tiger bread smells like...View all submissions (3)

2012-07-18One more day of rain...View all submissions (2)

2012-07-10BBC Three's Live at the Electric is as funny as...View all submissions (5)

2012-07-03Seeing the same Big Bang Theory repeated every day is like...View all submissions (3)

2012-06-27When I went on Embarrassing Bodies, Dr. Christian made me feel like...View all submissions (7)

2012-06-26Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as...View all submissions (10)

2012-06-02I care as much about the Queen's Jubilee as...View all submissions (0)

2012-05-09Ronnie O'Sullivan handles a cue better than...View all submissions (3)

2012-03-04Nicki Minaj is the worst thing to happen to music since...View all submissions (3)

2012-01-18Without Wikipedia I feel like...View all submissions (4)

2011-12-03This is worse than the recurring nightmare I have where...View all submissions (2)

2011-11-18These underpants are stretchier than...View all submissions (2)

2011-11-07My girlfriend asked if her bum looked big in that dress. I said it looked like...View all submissions (5)

2011-11-02Last time I farted like that...View all submissions (4)

2011-10-29By the 8th session I felt like...View all submissions (1)

2011-10-27I love you so much I'd...View all submissions (4)

2011-10-26I've eaten so much super fruit, if I have any more...View all submissions (7)

2011-10-18The first time I discovered porn it was like...View all submissions (4)

2011-10-01I play World of Warcraft so much I...View all submissions (5)

2011-09-11If he was any camper...View all submissions (2)

2011-09-07These puff pastry parcels are...View all submissions (1)

2011-09-06You eat so much junk food your colon must look like...View all submissions (1)

2011-09-01You know you got dealt a bad hand in life when...View all submissions (3)

2011-08-31The punishment for the chavs who took part in the riots should be...View all submissions (2)

2011-08-25If I ate 10 bags of skittles and then farted it would be like...View all submissions (1)

2011-08-24Conditioner makes my hair so silky...View all submissions (0)

2011-08-22If I had one penny for every time...View all submissions (0)

2011-08-21The new X Factor judges are...View all submissions (1)

2011-08-17Kissing a girl who smokes is like...View all submissions (2)

2011-08-15I'm such a nervous pervous, when that balloon popped I felt like...View all submissions (2)

2011-08-14Her face is so old it looks like...View all submissions (2)

2011-08-11One beer and I'm more bloated than the time...View all submissions (1)

2011-08-10I'm so claustrophobic when I get in a lift it feels like...View all submissions (3)

2011-08-09If my balls were any smaller...View all submissions (5)

2011-08-08Rioters looting Aldi must be more desperate than...View all submissions (4)

2011-08-06If David Cameron was any more of a ball bag...View all submissions (1)

2011-08-04Midweek television couldn't be worse at the moment if...View all submissions (3)

2011-08-03I've seen Friends so many times, if I watch one more...View all submissions (2)

2011-08-01Watched Show me the Funny last night. Dying on stage must be more painful than...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-31The new Dragon looks like...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-30Segway riding on a British pavement is more rebellious than...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-28If I masturbated any more...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-27My new hard drive stores so much porn I...View all submissions (0)

2011-07-26The Bugatti Veyron does 0 - 60 faster than...View all submissions (3)

2011-07-23Red wine stains your teeth more than...View all submissions (3)

2011-07-21If she wore any more make up...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-19That viral video got passed around like...View all submissions (5)

2011-07-18Wasps are ...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-17This year's game releases will drain my money faster than...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-16The last Harry Potter film would be infinitely more exciting if...View all submissions (3)

2011-07-15Celebrity botox looks so...View all submissions (0)

2011-07-14How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-11If Clumsy Joe and Calamity Jane made a porn film it would be like...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-10Finding a job is like...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-09The new Inbetweener's movie will be filled with more expletives than...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-07If I was any wiser...View all submissions (3)

2011-07-06If the News of the World hacked my phone it would be like...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-05Complaining about the sun is like...View all submissions (1)

2011-07-04Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is...View all submissions (5)

2011-07-03Nothing makes me choke back the tears like...View all submissions (2)

2011-07-02Boxing couldn't be less exciting if...View all submissions (3)

2011-07-01Hitting that perfect shot in golf is like...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-30If I got any more sunburnt I'd...View all submissions (3)

2011-06-29Tennis is so middle class...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-28These wires are more tangled up than...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-27Hit me 40 I'll die, hit me at 30 and I might live, but hit me at 90 and...View all submissions (6)

2011-06-26Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than...View all submissions (7)

2011-06-25Picked my nose so deep I pulled out...View all submissions (9)

2011-06-24I'm so short sighted I...View all submissions (5)

2011-06-23Council fines are given out easier than...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-22I visited the very depths of hell and it was like...View all submissions (6)

2011-06-21Boxsets are taking over the world faster than...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-20Sometimes being sat on the toilet with diarrhea feels more satisfying than...View all submissions (6)

2011-06-19This gossip is juicier than...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-18Sleeping on a hard floor couldn't be more uncomfortable if...View all submissions (2)

2011-06-17Just gave 9 pints of blood in one sitting and now I feel like...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-16I need a piss so badly I could...View all submissions (7)

2011-06-15This movie contains more adult themes than...View all submissions (5)

2011-06-14Losing a fight to Justin Bieber would be like...View all submissions (6)

2011-06-13I like my women like I like my...View all submissions (10)

2011-06-12This swimming pool contains so much chlorine it's like...View all submissions (7)

2011-06-11I haven't panicked this much since...View all submissions (10)

2011-06-10It contains about as much bacteria as...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-09You couldn't be more perverted if...View all submissions (5)

2011-06-08Momma always said life is like a...View all submissions (7)

2011-06-07Jennifer Aniston has more ex boyfriends than...View all submissions (4)

2011-06-06Warning: German beansprouts may be deadlier than...View all submissions (6)

2011-06-05Midas turns things into gold. You turn them into...View all submissions (6)

2011-06-04My sense of smell is so good I can...View all submissions (3)

2011-06-03My Bi-Polar friend is more up and down than...View all submissions (7)

2011-06-02Have you met my friend Jesus? He's...View all submissions (14)

2011-06-01Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like...View all submissions (8)

2011-05-31Well, that was more embarassing than...View all submissions (8)

2011-05-30Why are you so mad? It's not like I...View all submissions (9)

2011-05-29Just played tennis against The Hulk and now I feel like...View all submissions (8)

2011-05-28Call that a winner? I've seen...View all submissions (5)

2011-05-27She looked at me like I'd just...View all submissions (15)

2011-05-26That was over so fast I thought...View all submissions (10)

2011-05-25To be a contestant on The Apprentice you need to have the common sense of...View all submissions (8)

2011-05-24Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like...View all submissions (11)

2011-05-23Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than...View all submissions (10)

2011-05-22This Icelandic volcano is causing more disruption than...View all submissions (9)

2011-05-20Yesterday's Rapture was...View all submissions (7)

2011-05-20That BBQ smells so good it's like...View all submissions (5)

2011-05-19You're such a noob you couldn't even...View all submissions (7)

2011-05-18When I die I want to go out like...View all submissions (5)

2011-05-17What the deuce? That's more revolting than...View all submissions (13)

2011-05-16Early 19th century tampons looked like...View all submissions (11)

2011-05-15My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like...View all submissions (7)

2011-05-14After losing to Jedward at Eurovision, Blue must be...View all submissions (6)

2011-05-13I haven't seen anything that disfigured since...View all submissions (8)

2011-05-12You make me angrier than...View all submissions (6)

2011-05-11I hate being the passenger when my wife drives. She drives like...View all submissions (11)

2011-05-10My youth is disappearing so fast it won't be long till...View all submissions (9)

2011-05-09When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than...View all submissions (13)

2011-05-08The doctor said if I don't sort out this anal seepage I may as well...View all submissions (5)

2011-05-07If Amy Winehouse brought out a perfume it would be called...View all submissions (5)

2011-05-06Working on a weekend feels more wrong than...View all submissions (7)

2011-05-05The Penatron 10000 robot left me more breathless than...View all submissions (9)

2011-05-04The man in the lighthouse must be lonelier than...View all submissions (7)

2011-05-03Yellow snow tastes like...View all submissions (7)

2011-05-02When I heard Osama Bin Laden had been killed I laughed like...View all submissions (8)

2011-05-01After so many bank holidays the prospect of going back to work is like...View all submissions (10)

2011-04-30If my eyes were any closer together I would...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-29I understand the AV voting system about as much as...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-28Farting during the Royal Wedding would cause more of a scene than...View all submissions (5)

2011-04-27My forearms are so strong I could...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-26You call this torture? You might as well...View all submissions (15)

2011-04-25I care as much about you as I do about...View all submissions (8)

2011-04-24I've eaten so many Easter eggs, I feel like...View all submissions (6)

2011-04-23If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as...View all submissions (7)

2011-04-22When I showed up to that Bar Mitzvah I felt about as welcome as...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-21Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than...View all submissions (12)

2011-04-20Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than...View all submissions (17)

2011-04-19You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like...View all submissions (11)

2011-04-18The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if...View all submissions (13)

2011-04-17If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-16Nicholas Cage's film career is...View all submissions (11)

2011-04-15If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-14If Paris is the city of love then Hull is...View all submissions (10)

2011-04-13Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than...View all submissions (11)

2011-04-12That bang was so loud I thought...View all submissions (18)

2011-04-11When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as...View all submissions (12)

2011-04-10Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as...View all submissions (10)

2011-04-09A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you...View all submissions (16)

2011-04-08A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been...View all submissions (15)

2011-04-07I'm so drunk, I feel like...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-06Car insurance has become more over priced than...View all submissions (9)

2011-04-05You want me to do what? I'd have more luck...View all submissions (15)

2011-04-05Where did you meet her? She looks like...View all submissions (14)

2011-04-03If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than...View all submissions (11)

2011-04-02This curry is so spicy it feels like...View all submissions (11)

2011-04-01Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like...View all submissions (13)

2011-03-31Just been for a run and now I'm sweatier than...View all submissions (24)

2011-03-30Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than...View all submissions (28)

2011-03-29This inner ear infection is making me clumsier than...View all submissions (13)

2011-03-28It's times like this I wish I was...View all submissions (12)

2011-03-27Life through Charlie Sheen's eyes must be loonier than...View all submissions (7)

2011-03-27Petrol prices are to be slashed by 1p per litre? I haven't felt this underwhelmed since...View all submissions (11)

2011-03-25If I walked into a club looking any hotter...View all submissions (7)

2011-03-24He has the heart of a lion and the brain of a...View all submissions (13)

2011-03-23Tried to bully Casey "Little Zangief" Heynes and now I'm...View all submissions (7)

2011-03-22This Orchid is rarer than...View all submissions (15)

2011-03-21My new armour offers me about as much protection as...View all submissions (16)

2011-03-20This jazz is smoother than...View all submissions (14)

2011-03-19Football couldn't be a duller sport if...View all submissions (12)

2011-03-18Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as...View all submissions (13)

2011-03-18I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than...View all submissions (12)

2011-03-17If Star Wars was real my life couldn't be more complete if ...View all submissions (3)

2011-03-17Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm...View all submissions (23)

2011-03-15That hemorrhoid cream is more effective than...View all submissions (13)

2011-03-15For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than...View all submissions (16)

2011-03-14So tonight I'm gonna party like it's...View all submissions (15)

2011-03-12If I'm going to do this I'll need more balls than...View all submissions (12)

2011-03-11I'm more nervous for this interview than...View all submissions (8)

2011-03-10I couldn't be happier if...View all submissions (21)

2011-03-09This family heirloom has been passed down through generations and is worth more than...View all submissions (14)

2011-03-08I forgot to buy milk so my pancakes ended up stodgier than...View all submissions (16)

2011-03-07When I was a teenager I had more spots than...View all submissions (21)

2011-03-06My phone is so outdated it...View all submissions (28)

2011-03-05Getting dressed in the dark is more of a struggle than...View all submissions (11)

2011-03-04If I eat any more I'll end up looking like...View all submissions (9)

2011-03-03I was slapped so hard I thought...View all submissions (18)

2011-03-02Libya is in more of a mess than...View all submissions (21)

2011-03-01A good chocolate brownie should have the consistency of...View all submissions (14)

2011-02-28That guy has the dancing abilities of a...View all submissions (23)

2011-02-27That model is so hot I would...View all submissions (32)

2011-02-26He's got the dress sense of a...View all submissions (8)

2011-02-25My five year old son painted me a picture at school and it looks like...View all submissions (14)

2011-02-24This hot knife cuts through butter like...View all submissions (13)

2011-02-23When I'm finished with you your face will look like...View all submissions (18)

2011-02-23No way could you do that. You've got more chance...View all submissions (20)

2011-02-20Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than...View all submissions (13)

2011-02-19Trying to organise things with my friends is a nightmare. They are slacker than...View all submissions (10)

2011-02-18This towel is so rough it's like...View all submissions (11)

2011-02-17Justin Bieber is more annoying than...View all submissions (21)

2011-02-16That guy? He's about as manly as...View all submissions (21)

2011-02-15Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather...View all submissions (29)

2011-02-14I'm so old I feel like...View all submissions (8)

2011-02-14Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than...View all submissions (11)

2011-02-13I'm such a badass I...View all submissions (8)

2011-02-12Petrol prices are getting more ridiculous than...View all submissions (10)

2011-02-11My hangover is so bad I feel like...View all submissions (10)

2011-02-10Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like...View all submissions (14)

2011-02-09By the time Amy Winehouse is 40 she will look like...View all submissions (15)

2011-02-08Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than...View all submissions (18)

2011-02-07Just found £1 in the street and now I'm as excited as...View all submissions (17)

2011-02-06When the probe was inserted I felt as if...View all submissions (20)

2011-02-05Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than...View all submissions (19)

2011-02-03Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like...View all submissions (31)

2011-02-02That joke made me laugh so hard I almost...View all submissions (22)

2011-02-01This box of freshly picked apples is like...View all submissions (10)

2011-01-31Just one lottery win and I will be as rich as...View all submissions (15)

2011-01-30Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like...View all submissions (20)

2011-01-30I wish I hadn't had that curry last night. My anus feels like...View all submissions (24)

2011-01-28Is it me or does that look weirder than...View all submissions (20)

2011-01-27That chatup line was more of a failure than...View all submissions (27)

2011-01-26If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than...View all submissions (29)

2011-01-25Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than...View all submissions (35)

2011-01-25It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder...View all submissions (27)

2011-01-23When I first gazed into your eyes it was like...View all submissions (29)

2011-01-23That drunken text was a worse idea than...View all submissions (21)

2011-01-21It's the weekend and I'm randier than...View all submissions (34)

2011-01-20This toilet tissue is so soft it's like...View all submissions (43)

2011-01-20Ricky Gervais' Golden Globe performance was...View all submissions (10)

2011-01-20Midweek television has gone downhill faster than...View all submissions (9)

Metaphors and Similes never looked so good

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