megaphoresMetaphors and Similes never looked so good

User profile for I like turtles

Total submissions: 37
Daily Wins: 4
Editors Picks: 0
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 54%

All submissions by I like turtles

Just gave 9 pints of blood in one sitting and now I feel like a pepperamiMegaAwful
i like turtles65%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Losing a fight to Justin Bieber would be like buying a Fleshlight Junior and finding that you still don't touch the sidesMegaAwful
i like turtles58%Comments (0)Tweet Report
It contains about as much bacteria as the cup in the critically acclaimed 2 girls 1 cupMegaAwful
i like turtles33%Comments (0)Tweet Report
It contains about as much bacteria as an out of date YakultMegaAwful
i like turtles49%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Warning: German beansprouts may be deadlier than turning up to a EDL march in a BurkaDW MegaAwful
i like turtles33%Comments (0)Tweet Report
My sense of smell is so good I can smell an amoeba fartMegaAwful
i like turtles37%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Have you met my friend Jesus? He's much cooler than my other friends, Yoda and the Tooth Fairy MegaAwful
i like turtles33%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I've just been DDT'd through a frozen lakeMegaAwful
i like turtles43%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than a happy clappy team building exerciseMegaAwful
i like turtles37%Comments (0)Tweet Report
That BBQ smells so good it's like this roadkilled skunk is being cooked by Michel Roux, Jr.MegaAwful
i like turtles35%Comments (0)Tweet Report
You're such a noob you couldn't even play Tetris without getting fraggedMegaAwful
i like turtles47%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I haven't seen anything that disfigured since I was a judge at the Miss Chernobyl competitionMegaAwful
i like turtles37%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I hate being the passenger when my wife drives. She drives like the car will blow up if we go over the speed limitMegaAwful
i like turtles16%Comments (0)Tweet Report
When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than remembering that you are only a black belt on Tekken 3MegaAwful
i like turtles49%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I understand the AV voting system about as much as I understand why Adele's music is so popularMegaAwful
i like turtles37%Comments (0)Tweet Report
You call this torture? You might as well prop my eyes open with matchsticks and force me to look at Katy Perry's boobs all day longMegaAwful
i like turtles59%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I care as much about you as I do about global warmingMegaAwful
i like turtles37%Comments (0)Tweet Report
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like Gran and Grandad showed us when they bought the Karma SutraMegaAwful
i like turtles26%Comments (0)Tweet Report
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if coverage was sponsored by AnusolMegaAwful
i like turtles71%Comments (0)Tweet Report
If Paris is the city of love then Hull is the Chlamydia capital of the worldMegaAwful
i like turtles33%Comments (0)Tweet Report
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you threw in some olivesMegaAwful
i like turtles33%Comments (0)Tweet Report
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been kicked in the grapefruits by Mirko CrocopMegaAwful
i like turtles58%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time Elton John sang "Are you ready for love?" and I said "Yes I am!"MegaAwful
I like turtles80%Comments (0)Tweet Report
It's times like this I wish I was good at coming up with MegaphoresMegaAwful
i like turtles52%Comments (0)Tweet Report
My new armour offers me about as much protection as a pair of Adamantine nipple ringsMegaAwful
I like turtles69%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as Justin Beiber's ballsackDW MegaAwful
i like turtles89%Comments (0)Tweet Report
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than someone who looked at Chuck Norris in the wrong tone of voiceDW MegaAwful
i like turtles84%Comments (0)Tweet Report
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's free Ecstasy and glowsticks nightMegaAwful
i like turtles59%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I couldn't be happier if I was on a Prozac drip with a Nitrous oxide maskMegaAwful
i like turtles76%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I forgot to buy milk so my pancakes ended up stodgier than the waste from a liposuction clinicDW MegaAwful
i like turtles93%Comments (0)Tweet Report
When I was a teenager I had more spots than Mr BlobbyMegaAwful
i like turtles71%Comments (0)Tweet Report
My phone is so outdated it came out as a revolutionary alternative to cups and stringMegaAwful
i like turtles89%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Getting dressed in the dark is more of a struggle than fighting my way out of this paper bagMegaAwful
i like turtles58%Comments (0)Tweet Report
That guy has the dancing abilities of a person with an inner ear infectionMegaAwful
i like turtles52%Comments (0)Tweet Report
That joke made me laugh so hard I almost parpedMegaAwful
I like turtles57%Comments (0)Tweet Report
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like fapping until you are just about to splooge and then stoppingMegaAwful
I like turtles87%Comments (0)Tweet Report
I wish I hadn't had that curry last night. My anus feels like I just shat a brickMegaAwful
I like turtles43%Comments (0)Tweet Report
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