Metaphors and Similes never looked so good
User profile for Slightly different blue
Total submissions: 41
Daily Wins: 6
Editors Picks: 2
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 55%
All submissions by Slightly different blue
My sense of smell is so good I can Tell the difference between butter and "I can't believe it's not butter" from 100 paces away.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Why are you so mad? It's not like I even knew most of them were our grandchildren.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
She looked at me like I'd just turned up to a black tie event in a crotchless mankini and a white tie.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That was over so fast I thought she didn't wake up...as God said after doing Mary.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like my cerebro-spinal fluid was replaced with liquid nitrogen.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
You're such a noob you couldn't even get a 3 kill streak if you were a one-eyed man in the land of the blind.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
What the deuce? That's more revolting than sucking rancid camel vomit from the festering anus of a two-months-dead mutilated toddler.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Working on a weekend feels more wrong than wanking on my granny, but at least working on a weekend doesn't cause the funeral director to kick me out.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
After so many bank holidays the prospect of going back to work is like how Jesus felt after his Ascension when he had to move back in with his Dad.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than the lovechild of Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, after being lit on fire.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than when I'm late for work. And my work is being the only night-watchman guarding a plutonium warehouse in Afghanistan.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than when my alarm clock radio starts playing Justin Bieber at full volume just out of reach of the bed. MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than that dream where you find a nice toilet and just relax your bladder...MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than when the beer goggles wear off and I realise how your momma really looks.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like Nicholas Cage's film career.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than a catholic priest who just drank Jesus' blood againMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If Paris is the city of love then Hull is the dried up spunk on a skanky diseased hooker.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than the witnesses of when Jesus turned 180 gallons of water into wine. (John 2:1-2:11)MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That bang was so loud I thought I'd jumped out of my skin. Turns out I'd just jumped out of the skin of my victim, which I was wearing at the time.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That bang was so loud I thought it was a bad idea to build the school for the sensitive of hearing next to Clumsy Joe's dynamite warehouse.EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as Friedrich Engels' career advertising gillette.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as a coffin-nail. Which I am inclined, myself, to regard as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
You want me to do what? I'd have more luck betting on a down syndrome boxer lasting the entire round against the 15 ChampsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Where did you meet her? She looks like a partially-deflated pink hot air balloonMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like aaa a aaaa the pain pain pain the water does nothing make it end make it endMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's being macedMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like I sucked a guy off and my face got pregnant.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than two rainbows with designer handbags locked in a tender man-on-man kissMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This Orchid is rarer than the monkeys that typed out the full works of ShakespeareMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than crack cocaine laced with crystal meth, snorted off an alcohol-soaked cigarette while surfing the internet.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That hemorrhoid cream is more effective than employing an extremely hungry hobo.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1984! And if I don't, the Party will know...MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
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Ricky Gervais' Golden Globe performance was sexier than a pineapple rodgering a rotting sheep.Baron75%