megaphoresMetaphors and Similes never looked so good

User profile for Slightly different blue

Total submissions: 40
Daily Wins: 6
Editors Picks: 2
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 55%


All submissions by Slightly different blue

My sense of smell is so good I can Tell the difference between butter and "I can't believe it's not butter" from 100 paces away.DW MegaAwful
slightly different blue58%Comments (1)Tweet Report
Why are you so mad? It's not like I don't know how to clean semen off a dog.MegaAwful
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Why are you so mad? It's not like I even knew most of them were our grandchildren.MegaAwful
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She looked at me like I'd just turned up to a black tie event in a crotchless mankini and a white tie.MegaAwful
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That was over so fast I thought she didn't wake up...as God said after doing Mary.DW MegaAwful
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Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like my cerebro-spinal fluid was replaced with liquid nitrogen.MegaAwful
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You're such a noob you couldn't even get a 3 kill streak if you were a one-eyed man in the land of the blind.MegaAwful
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What the deuce? That's more revolting than sucking rancid camel vomit from the festering anus of a two-months-dead mutilated toddler.MegaAwful
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Early 19th century tampons looked like a servant with bloody fingers.MegaAwful
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You make me angrier than the Hulk trapped in a bee hive.DW MegaAwful
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Working on a weekend feels more wrong than wanking on my granny, but at least working on a weekend doesn't cause the funeral director to kick me out.MegaAwful
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The man in the lighthouse must be lonelier than Hitler's one ball.MegaAwful
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After so many bank holidays the prospect of going back to work is like how Jesus felt after his Ascension when he had to move back in with his Dad.DW MegaAwful
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Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than you in opposite land.MegaAwful
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Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than the lovechild of Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, after being lit on fire.MegaAwful
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Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than when I'm late for work. And my work is being the only night-watchman guarding a plutonium warehouse in Afghanistan.MegaAwful
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Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than when my alarm clock radio starts playing Justin Bieber at full volume just out of reach of the bed. MegaAwful
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Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than that dream where you find a nice toilet and just relax your bladder...MegaAwful
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Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than when the beer goggles wear off and I realise how your momma really looks.MegaAwful
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If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like Nicholas Cage's film career.MegaAwful
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If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than a catholic priest who just drank Jesus' blood againMegaAwful
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If Paris is the city of love then Hull is the dried up spunk on a skanky diseased hooker.MegaAwful
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Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than the witnesses of when Jesus turned 180 gallons of water into wine. (John 2:1-2:11)MegaAwful
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That bang was so loud I thought I'd jumped out of my skin. Turns out I'd just jumped out of the skin of my victim, which I was wearing at the time.MegaAwful
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That bang was so loud I thought it was a bad idea to build the school for the sensitive of hearing next to Clumsy Joe's dynamite warehouse.EP MegaAwful
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Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as Friedrich Engels' career advertising gillette.MegaAwful
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Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as a coffin-nail. Which I am inclined, myself, to regard as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.MegaAwful
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I'm so drunk, I feel like a lightweight goldfish in a bowl of whiskey.MegaAwful
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Car insurance has become more over priced than tank insurance in Libya.DW EP MegaAwful
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You want me to do what? I'd have more luck betting on a down syndrome boxer lasting the entire round against the 15 ChampsMegaAwful
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You want me to do what? I'd have more luck turning lead into bitchesMegaAwful
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Where did you meet her? She looks like a partially-deflated pink hot air balloonMegaAwful
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This curry is so spicy it feels like aaa a aaaa the pain pain pain the water does nothing make it end make it endMegaAwful
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This curry is so spicy it feels like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's being macedMegaAwful
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Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like I sucked a guy off and my face got pregnant.MegaAwful
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Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than two rainbows with designer handbags locked in a tender man-on-man kissMegaAwful
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This Orchid is rarer than the monkeys that typed out the full works of ShakespeareMegaAwful
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I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than crack cocaine laced with crystal meth, snorted off an alcohol-soaked cigarette while surfing the internet.MegaAwful
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That hemorrhoid cream is more effective than employing an extremely hungry hobo.DW MegaAwful
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So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1984! And if I don't, the Party will know...MegaAwful
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