megaphoresMetaphors and Similes never looked so good

User profile for bob

Total submissions: 126
Daily Wins: 11
Editors Picks: 1
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 57%


All submissions by bob

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as a Greek does of buying a FreddoMegaAwful
Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as Billy Connolly does of starring in HungMegaAwful
I play World of Warcraft so much I need 40 people in my group to talk to that level ?? FemaleDW MegaAwful
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if it didn't have cerebral palsyMegaAwful
Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than the Illuminati wished they wereMegaAwful
I like my women like I like my bowling balls - hard, round and with room for three fingersMegaAwful
I haven't panicked this much since my son said he wanted me to meet his friend Raoul from ballet campDW MegaAwful
Why are you so mad? It's not like I did my naked Dale Winton impression on your dad againMegaAwful
Just played tennis against The Hulk and now I feel like St. John's Ambulance will tell me I shouldn't have given him first serveMegaAwful
Call that a winner? I've seen horses solve a rubiks cube fasterDW MegaAwful
That was over so fast I thought maybe I shouldn't have slept with my hypnotist's wifeMegaAwful
Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I deepthroated a polar bearMegaAwful
Yesterday's Rapture was more erotic than the time I had a three way with Jeremy Paxman and the Olsen twinsMegaAwful
Early 19th century tampons looked like several conveniently grown buboesMegaAwful
After losing to Jedward at Eurovision, Blue must be feeling worse than that time they fulfilled a Make-A-Wish-Foundation request from Randy JohnMegaAwful
I haven't seen anything that disfigured since I played pin the machete on the prisoner with a tribe of Umbagian nativesMegaAwful
My youth is disappearing so fast it won't be long till my skin looks like a walrus' nut sackMegaAwful
When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than waking up in A&E the next morning with no recollection of what happenedMegaAwful
The doctor said if I don't sort out this anal seepage I may as well leave my job and emigrate abroad to feed Rwandan tigersMegaAwful
The man in the lighthouse must be lonelier than Magneto after sneezing in the middle of Lemington Spa's paperclip modelling museumMegaAwful
Yellow snow tastes like the aftermath of the Annual Interactive Jellyfish Awareness ConferenceMegaAwful
When I heard Osama Bin Laden had been killed I laughed like Wayne Rooney when asked to spell his own nameMegaAwful
After so many bank holidays the prospect of going back to work is like the prospect of an STI check after pulling in TwertonMegaAwful
I understand the AV voting system about as much as I understand the inner workings of a badger's asophagusMegaAwful
Farting during the Royal Wedding would cause more of a scene than Harry sneaking in his alternative vowsMegaAwful
My forearms are so strong I could face a life sentence for planting a DDT on a continentDW MegaAwful
You call this torture? You might as well be asked to stare down a Shar PeiMegaAwful
I care as much about you as I do about the goat for an African family you bought me for my birthdayMegaAwful
I've eaten so many Easter eggs, I feel like my liposuction could feed a third world family for a weekMegaAwful
Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than the National Albino Society's trip to the hall of mirrorsDW MegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than the police sirens on their way to inspect my cellarMegaAwful
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like two eunuchs with a strap-on and a tangerineMegaAwful
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if someone changed their first dance music to Baby Got BackMegaAwful
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if Prince Harry was allowed to pick the fancy dress themeDW MegaAwful
If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like Nicholas Cage's wife's face after sneezing during National Treasure 2MegaAwful
Nicholas Cage's film career is going down faster than Paris Hilton after a WKDDW MegaAwful
If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than Optimus Prime's lovechiled with a Tyrannosaurus RexMegaAwful
Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than young Timmy after being shown how to make the Grand Wizards snake spitMegaAwful
That bang was so loud I thought it made Hiroshima seem like a whiffMegaAwful
When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as my hopes and dreams of becoming a paraplegic poledancerMegaAwful
Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as the crowd at a Rebecca Black concertMegaAwful
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you found out there was a third ingredient and it was HATEEP MegaAwful
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you found out it was handmade by an autistic walrusMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been wank raped with a vision of a man grinning wildly after winning a coconut shyMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been close to a perfect 300 game and, on my last bowl, Kelly Brook spilt beer down her frontMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been strapped to a chair and made to watch every episode of One Tree Hill with my eyelids taped to my foreheadMegaAwful
I'm so drunk, I feel like the top of this metal scaffolding is the perfect place to prove to everyone that I can flyDW MegaAwful
Car insurance has become more over priced than every Premiership footballerMegaAwful
You want me to do what? I'd have more luck climbing Mt. Everest with a club footMegaAwful
You want me to do what? I'd have more luck inseminating a minotaurMegaAwful
Where did you meet her? She looks like she could suck a basketball through a tennis racketMegaAwful
Where did you meet her? She looks like the aftermath of a lion attackMegaAwful
If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than Charlie Sheen after snorting the grinded bones of a Saharan WilderbeastMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like I ate a part of Mt. VesuviusMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like I shouldn't have allowed my victims that one last mealMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like I shouldn't have agreed to the Malari Tutu Tonton tribe initiation ceremonyMegaAwful
Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like it's gone 30 rounds with Muhammed AliMegaAwful
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time I rode to work on my pink unicornMegaAwful
It's times like this I wish I was actually invisible so the screams and peeping tom arrest would go awayMegaAwful
Life through Charlie Sheen's eyes must be loonier than a Toon Town Come Dine With MeMegaAwful
Petrol prices are to be slashed by 1p per litre? I haven't felt this underwhelmed since all my Christmas presents were goats to African familiesMegaAwful
Petrol prices are to be slashed by 1p per litre? I haven't felt this underwhelmed since my Kinder Egg had an I.O.U insideMegaAwful
He has the heart of a lion and the brain of a lovechild between Stephen Fry and Toto the Wise Owl of EvalonMegaAwful
He has the heart of a lion and the brain of a young Stephen Hawking on RelentlessMegaAwful
Tried to bully Casey "Little Zangief" Heynes and now I'm wishing my vital organs were still in my body and not scattered across the pavementMegaAwful
This Orchid is rarer than seeing Wayne Rooney not trying to make friends with a cabbageMegaAwful
This Orchid is rarer than Jamie Oliver quoting ShakespeareMegaAwful
This jazz is smoother than silk woven from cloud by a lesser, non specific deityMegaAwful
Football couldn't be a duller sport if every Half Time entertainment was delivered by Gordon BrownDW MegaAwful
Football couldn't be a duller sport if inbetween each of Newcastle United's vast array of unforced errors, they qutoed a 100 line soliloquyMegaAwful
I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than my own Iron Man suit complete with Scarlett Johansson bodyguardMegaAwful
I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than a heroin laced level 60 Orc warriorMegaAwful
Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm just making a bowl of a tea and a mug of cerealMegaAwful
Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm incapalbe fo evn teh simlpest fo tskasMegaAwful
Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm worried I'm starting to hallucinate, but Mr. Bobo the purple unicorn assures me I'm fineMegaAwful
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than I was after forgetting my girlfriend's birthday but remembering her mum'sMegaAwful
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than Gary Glitter after his philanthropy tour of Japan ended in another arrestMegaAwful
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's Chernobyl and those strobes are lasers fired from the eyes of giant rabbitsMegaAwful
If I'm going to do this I'll need more balls than a George Michael wet dreamMegaAwful
I'm more nervous for this interview than the time I accidentally got a raging semi at the pool in my speedosMegaAwful
I'm more nervous for this interview than I am before a tricky shitMegaAwful
I couldn't be happier if I was riding backwards on an eagle through the Grand Canyon naked, while eating a hoisin duck wrapMegaAwful
My phone is so outdated it should get me a sympathy layMegaAwful
If I eat any more I'll end up looking like the profitterole mountain I just ateMegaAwful
Libya is in more of a mess than Ronnie O' Sullivan's liverMegaAwful
A good chocolate brownie should have the consistency of a mouldy fleshlightMegaAwful
That guy has the dancing abilities of a blindfolded Vanessa Feltz at a revolving buffetMegaAwful
That model is so hot I would wonder why I didn't fork out the extra £20 for a manikin with a hole in itMegaAwful
My five year old son painted me a picture at school and it looks like Mr. Freddy the punishment wrench is coming out againDW MegaAwful
This hot knife cuts through butter like shit through a sieveMegaAwful
No way could you do that. You've got more chance of throwing off your shackles of humanity, sprouting feathery wings and flying off into the sunsetMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than walking in on your parents doing the roly poly filthwagonMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than waiting behind a pensioner at the self service checkoutMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than the Wonga manMegaAwful
That guy? He's about as manly as lactating pro-biotic yoghurtMegaAwful
That guy? He's about as manly as a three way lovechild between Graham Norton, Justin Bieber and a dental damMegaAwful
That guy? He's about as manly as an episode of Loose WomenMegaAwful
That guy? He's about as manly as a box of TampaxMegaAwful
Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather spend an evening with Christopher BigginsMegaAwful
I'm so old I feel like I have the lung capacity of a small woodland creatureMegaAwful
Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than the time I decorated the house with candles, rose petals and a military standard sex harnessMegaAwful
Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than Silvio Burlisconi every dayMegaAwful
Petrol prices are getting more ridiculous than watching a clown snort cocaineMegaAwful
By the time Amy Winehouse is 40 she will look like a lovechild between Peter Stringfellow and a cabbageMegaAwful
By the time Amy Winehouse is 40 she will look like someone drained the insides out of a walrusDW MegaAwful
Just found £1 in the street and now I'm as excited as a sin-starved Lucifer in Milton KeynesMegaAwful
Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than the inside of a Super Soaker 4000MegaAwful
That joke made me laugh so hard I almost got kicked out that funeralMegaAwful
This box of freshly picked apples is like a constant phallic reminder of my insatiable virilityMegaAwful
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like England to win at anythingMegaAwful
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like waiting for Ricky Gervais to realise he's England's biggest disappointmentMegaAwful
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like waiting for a good episode of The Only Way is EssexMegaAwful
Is it me or does that look weirder than any football fan with an IQ over 3MegaAwful
Is it me or does that look weirder than a nun in a brothelMegaAwful
That chatup line was more of a failure than Harvey Price's genetics MegaAwful
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Katie Price after a frontal lobotomyMegaAwful
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Bush trying to point out Iraq on an inflatable globe with his toy rocket shipMegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Jim Davidson in Sub-Saharan AfricaMegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than a depressed clownMegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I'd burst right out of this gimp suit.MegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder they'd have been used to dig out the Chilean minersMegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder they'd injure the penguin I snuck into Chester Zoo to cuddleMegaAwful
When I first gazed into your eyes it was like knowing that third bollock would be okMegaAwful
It's the weekend and I'm randier than Wayne Rooney in a retirement villageMegaAwful
It's the weekend and I'm randier than a eunuch in a sex shopMegaAwful
This toilet tissue is so soft it's like God has licked your ring pieceMegaAwful
 
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