Metaphors and Similes never looked so good
User profile for bob
Total submissions: 126
Daily Wins: 11
Editors Picks: 1
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 59%
All submissions by bob
Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as a Greek does of buying a FreddoMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as Billy Connolly does of starring in HungMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I play World of Warcraft so much I need 40 people in my group to talk to that level ?? FemaleDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than the Illuminati wished they wereMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I like my women like I like my bowling balls - hard, round and with room for three fingersMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I haven't panicked this much since my son said he wanted me to meet his friend Raoul from ballet campDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Why are you so mad? It's not like I did my naked Dale Winton impression on your dad againMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just played tennis against The Hulk and now I feel like St. John's Ambulance will tell me I shouldn't have given him first serveMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That was over so fast I thought maybe I shouldn't have slept with my hypnotist's wifeMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Yesterday's Rapture was more erotic than the time I had a three way with Jeremy Paxman and the Olsen twinsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
After losing to Jedward at Eurovision, Blue must be feeling worse than that time they fulfilled a Make-A-Wish-Foundation request from Randy JohnMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I haven't seen anything that disfigured since I played pin the machete on the prisoner with a tribe of Umbagian nativesMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
My youth is disappearing so fast it won't be long till my skin looks like a walrus' nut sackMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than waking up in A&E the next morning with no recollection of what happenedMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
The doctor said if I don't sort out this anal seepage I may as well leave my job and emigrate abroad to feed Rwandan tigersMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
The man in the lighthouse must be lonelier than Magneto after sneezing in the middle of Lemington Spa's paperclip modelling museumMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Yellow snow tastes like the aftermath of the Annual Interactive Jellyfish Awareness ConferenceMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
When I heard Osama Bin Laden had been killed I laughed like Wayne Rooney when asked to spell his own nameMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
After so many bank holidays the prospect of going back to work is like the prospect of an STI check after pulling in TwertonMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I understand the AV voting system about as much as I understand the inner workings of a badger's asophagusMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Farting during the Royal Wedding would cause more of a scene than Harry sneaking in his alternative vowsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
My forearms are so strong I could face a life sentence for planting a DDT on a continentDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I care as much about you as I do about the goat for an African family you bought me for my birthdayMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I've eaten so many Easter eggs, I feel like my liposuction could feed a third world family for a weekMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than the National Albino Society's trip to the hall of mirrorsDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than the police sirens on their way to inspect my cellarMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like two eunuchs with a strap-on and a tangerineMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if someone changed their first dance music to Baby Got BackMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if Prince Harry was allowed to pick the fancy dress themeDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like Nicholas Cage's wife's face after sneezing during National Treasure 2MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Nicholas Cage's film career is going down faster than Paris Hilton after a WKDDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than Optimus Prime's lovechiled with a Tyrannosaurus RexMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than young Timmy after being shown how to make the Grand Wizards snake spitMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as my hopes and dreams of becoming a paraplegic poledancerMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as the crowd at a Rebecca Black concertMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you found out there was a third ingredient and it was HATEEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you found out it was handmade by an autistic walrusMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been wank raped with a vision of a man grinning wildly after winning a coconut shyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been close to a perfect 300 game and, on my last bowl, Kelly Brook spilt beer down her frontMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been strapped to a chair and made to watch every episode of One Tree Hill with my eyelids taped to my foreheadMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I'm so drunk, I feel like the top of this metal scaffolding is the perfect place to prove to everyone that I can flyDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
You want me to do what? I'd have more luck climbing Mt. Everest with a club footMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Where did you meet her? She looks like she could suck a basketball through a tennis racketMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than Charlie Sheen after snorting the grinded bones of a Saharan WilderbeastMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like I shouldn't have allowed my victims that one last mealMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This curry is so spicy it feels like I shouldn't have agreed to the Malari Tutu Tonton tribe initiation ceremonyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like it's gone 30 rounds with Muhammed AliMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time I rode to work on my pink unicornMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
It's times like this I wish I was actually invisible so the screams and peeping tom arrest would go awayMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Life through Charlie Sheen's eyes must be loonier than a Toon Town Come Dine With MeMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Petrol prices are to be slashed by 1p per litre? I haven't felt this underwhelmed since all my Christmas presents were goats to African familiesMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Petrol prices are to be slashed by 1p per litre? I haven't felt this underwhelmed since my Kinder Egg had an I.O.U insideMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
He has the heart of a lion and the brain of a lovechild between Stephen Fry and Toto the Wise Owl of EvalonMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
He has the heart of a lion and the brain of a young Stephen Hawking on RelentlessMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Tried to bully Casey "Little Zangief" Heynes and now I'm wishing my vital organs were still in my body and not scattered across the pavementMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This Orchid is rarer than seeing Wayne Rooney not trying to make friends with a cabbageMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This jazz is smoother than silk woven from cloud by a lesser, non specific deityMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Football couldn't be a duller sport if every Half Time entertainment was delivered by Gordon BrownDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Football couldn't be a duller sport if inbetween each of Newcastle United's vast array of unforced errors, they qutoed a 100 line soliloquyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than my own Iron Man suit complete with Scarlett Johansson bodyguardMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I'm so addicted to chocolate, I crave it more than a heroin laced level 60 Orc warriorMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm just making a bowl of a tea and a mug of cerealMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm incapalbe fo evn teh simlpest fo tskasMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm worried I'm starting to hallucinate, but Mr. Bobo the purple unicorn assures me I'm fineMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than I was after forgetting my girlfriend's birthday but remembering her mum'sMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than Gary Glitter after his philanthropy tour of Japan ended in another arrestMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's Chernobyl and those strobes are lasers fired from the eyes of giant rabbitsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I'm more nervous for this interview than the time I accidentally got a raging semi at the pool in my speedosMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I couldn't be happier if I was riding backwards on an eagle through the Grand Canyon naked, while eating a hoisin duck wrapMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That guy has the dancing abilities of a blindfolded Vanessa Feltz at a revolving buffetMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That model is so hot I would wonder why I didn't fork out the extra £20 for a manikin with a hole in itMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
My five year old son painted me a picture at school and it looks like Mr. Freddy the punishment wrench is coming out againDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
No way could you do that. You've got more chance of throwing off your shackles of humanity, sprouting feathery wings and flying off into the sunsetMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than walking in on your parents doing the roly poly filthwagonMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than waiting behind a pensioner at the self service checkoutMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That guy? He's about as manly as a three way lovechild between Graham Norton, Justin Bieber and a dental damMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather spend an evening with Christopher BigginsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than the time I decorated the house with candles, rose petals and a military standard sex harnessMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than Silvio Burlisconi every dayMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
By the time Amy Winehouse is 40 she will look like a lovechild between Peter Stringfellow and a cabbageMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
By the time Amy Winehouse is 40 she will look like someone drained the insides out of a walrusDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just found £1 in the street and now I'm as excited as a sin-starved Lucifer in Milton KeynesMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than the inside of a Super Soaker 4000MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
This box of freshly picked apples is like a constant phallic reminder of my insatiable virilityMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like waiting for Ricky Gervais to realise he's England's biggest disappointmentMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like waiting for a good episode of The Only Way is EssexMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Katie Price after a frontal lobotomyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Bush trying to point out Iraq on an inflatable globe with his toy rocket shipMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Jim Davidson in Sub-Saharan AfricaMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I'd burst right out of this gimp suit.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder they'd have been used to dig out the Chilean minersMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder they'd injure the penguin I snuck into Chester Zoo to cuddleMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
When I first gazed into your eyes it was like knowing that third bollock would be okMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
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She looked at me like I'd just told her she reminded me of Brock Lesnarblob34%