megaphoresMetaphors and Similes never looked so good

User profile for generic username

Total submissions: 40
Daily Wins: 8
Editors Picks: 2
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 56%


All submissions by generic username

When I went on Embarrassing Bodies, Dr. Christian made me feel like more doctors should involve their tongues during prostate examsMegaAwful
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That viral video got passed around like chlamydia at an N-Dubz concertDW MegaAwful
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This year's game releases will drain my money faster than my testicles drained when I discovered the internetMegaAwful
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Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is going to increase shares in soap 1000 foldMegaAwful
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These wires are more tangled up than two gays in a bucket of honeyMegaAwful
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Hit me 40 I'll die, hit me at 30 and I might live, but hit me at 90 and my car will turn a lovely shade of 10 year old girlDW MegaAwful
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Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than Jordan's swallow muscleMegaAwful
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Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than your mum's vibrator in 6th gearDW MegaAwful
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Picked my nose so deep I pulled out an epic amount of nasal matter, worthy of being shown to everyone else on the busMegaAwful
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Picked my nose so deep I pulled out all my shame & dignityMegaAwful
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I visited the very depths of hell and it was like a standard friday night with all the whips, torture & gang rapings.. only a bit warmer..DW MegaAwful
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I haven't panicked this much since the last time someone asked to borrow my laptop, before I'd cleared the history..MegaAwful
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Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I've been violently skullfucked by a rather well endowed snowmanDW MegaAwful
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That BBQ smells so good it's like I'm being fucked in the nose by burgers, sausages & sweet sweet ribs..MegaAwful
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Early 19th century tampons looked like small buckets, worn neatly between the thighsMegaAwful
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My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like a giant, unloved, lump of swiss cheeseDW MegaAwful
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My youth is disappearing so fast it won't be long till my memory..completely....wait, what was the question?MegaAwful
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When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than smugly walking off after winning & tripping over their zimmer frameMegaAwful
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Working on a weekend feels more wrong than masturbating over hearing your parents having sexMegaAwful
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The Penatron 10000 robot left me more breathless than a 23 stone asthmatic attempting to sprint the london marathon MegaAwful
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Yellow snow tastes like what I thought was orange squash in gran's fridge..MegaAwful
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When I heard Osama Bin Laden had been killed I laughed like a heyena on laughing gas getting a 'massage' from Mr Tickle on speed MegaAwful
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Farting during the Royal Wedding would cause more of a scene than if kate royally faceplanted going down the aisle & took out a few teethMegaAwful
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My forearms are so strong I could toss off a blue whale in 3 seconds flatMegaAwful
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You call this torture? You might as well hand me the pliers and let me rip out my own fingernails. You're doing it all wrong..MegaAwful
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Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than waking up to the tender spooning and gentle whispers of my drunk dad..DW EP MegaAwful
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The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if I actually gave even the tiniest, vaguest shit about itMegaAwful
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Nicholas Cage's film career is drowning, much like the bag of kittens I 'misplaced' last night..MegaAwful
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If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than the steroid pumped lovechild of He-man and Chuck goddamn NorrisMegaAwful
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If Paris is the city of love then Hull is an AIDS infected rectum, festering in a congealed pool of pity & hopelessness..MegaAwful
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That bang was so loud I thought I'd probably broken her jaw...teach her to burn dinner...DW EP MegaAwful
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That bang was so loud I thought we definitely woke the neighbours, & probably half the street ;)MegaAwful
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When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as a puddle on the sunMegaAwful
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A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you ate it first, shat it out and served it along side your "special mayonnaise"..MegaAwful
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Car insurance has become more over priced than a pint of bull semen. Even during happy hour!MegaAwful
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Where did you meet her? She looks like my mate Brian.. who I haven't actually seen since that 'operation' he mentioned...MegaAwful
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If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than the kid who had 3 shiny Charizards at schoolMegaAwful
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Just been for a run and now I'm sweatier than an orgy at weightwatchers. In a sauna.MegaAwful
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Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time me & my friend were play wrestling & we accidently made eye contact... & then I accidently bummed him...MegaAwful
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This inner ear infection is making me clumsier than a 1 legged giraffe trying to stand on marblesMegaAwful
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