Metaphors and Similes never looked so good
User profile for i like turtles
Total submissions: 38
Daily Wins: 4
Editors Picks: 0
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 53%
All submissions by i like turtles
Losing a fight to Justin Bieber would be like buying a Fleshlight Junior and finding that you still don't touch the sidesMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
It contains about as much bacteria as the cup in the critically acclaimed 2 girls 1 cupMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Warning: German beansprouts may be deadlier than turning up to a EDL march in a BurkaDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Have you met my friend Jesus? He's much cooler than my other friends, Yoda and the Tooth Fairy MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I've just been DDT'd through a frozen lakeMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
That BBQ smells so good it's like this roadkilled skunk is being cooked by Michel Roux, Jr.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I haven't seen anything that disfigured since I was a judge at the Miss Chernobyl competitionMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I hate being the passenger when my wife drives. She drives like the car will blow up if we go over the speed limitMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than remembering that you are only a black belt on Tekken 3MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I understand the AV voting system about as much as I understand why Adele's music is so popularMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
You call this torture? You might as well prop my eyes open with matchsticks and force me to look at Katy Perry's boobs all day longMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like Gran and Grandad showed us when they bought the Karma SutraMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if coverage was sponsored by AnusolMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been kicked in the grapefruits by Mirko CrocopMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time Elton John sang "Are you ready for love?" and I said "Yes I am!"MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
My new armour offers me about as much protection as a pair of Adamantine nipple ringsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as Justin Beiber's ballsackDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than someone who looked at Chuck Norris in the wrong tone of voiceDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I forgot to buy milk so my pancakes ended up stodgier than the waste from a liposuction clinicDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
My phone is so outdated it came out as a revolutionary alternative to cups and stringMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Getting dressed in the dark is more of a struggle than fighting my way out of this paper bagMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like fapping until you are just about to splooge and then stoppingMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
I wish I hadn't had that curry last night. My anus feels like I just shat a brickMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
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I'm going to punch you so hard you'll be the world's first human poloblob23%