megaphoresMetaphors and Similes never looked so good

User profile for lang1702

Total submissions: 77
Daily Wins: 14
Editors Picks: 3
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 58%

All submissions by lang1702

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as a donkey licking it's elbowMegaAwful
Momma always said life is like a soft boiled egg with buttered shoulders. MegaAwful
Have you met my friend Jesus? He's the worlds first human egg timerMegaAwful
Well, that was more embarassing than accidentally telling Cheryl Cole she had the American X-Factor jobMegaAwful
Why are you so mad? It's not like I just got you with the 'Dirty Sanchez' MegaAwful
Just played tennis against The Hulk and now I feel like telling Bruce Banner the ball was out wasn't a great idea!MegaAwful
To be a contestant on The Apprentice you need to have the common sense of a house fly trying to find an open windowDW MegaAwful
This Icelandic volcano is causing more disruption than the Rapture did to my life plansMegaAwful
I haven't seen anything that disfigured since Picasso invited me to meet his 'perfect' girlfriendMegaAwful
I hate being the passenger when my wife drives. She drives like a crippled antelope with one eye wearing oven glovesMegaAwful
My youth is disappearing so fast it won't be long till I've shredded every last photo MegaAwful
When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than realising your opposition's mother was treated with Thalidomide during pregnancy with himMegaAwful
When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than forgetting that you held onto that grenade too long back in 'NamMegaAwful
The doctor said if I don't sort out this anal seepage I may as well buy nothing but brown pants for the rest of my life MegaAwful
Working on a weekend feels more wrong than enjoying the moment your finger pokes through using cheap loo rollDW MegaAwful
The Penatron 10000 robot left me more breathless than Chris Moyles doing curcuit training on the summit of Mount Everes MegaAwful
The man in the lighthouse must be lonelier than Osama Bin Laden on his late night swim in the oceanMegaAwful
The man in the lighthouse must be lonelier than a ginger in a nightclubMegaAwful
When I heard Osama Bin Laden had been killed I laughed like Dr. Evil knowing his plan is all coming together! DW MegaAwful
When I heard Osama Bin Laden had been killed I laughed like someone had told me that the bird is the wordMegaAwful
After so many bank holidays the prospect of going back to work is like preparing to sit back down onto the excited lap of the taxmanMegaAwful
If my eyes were any closer together I would have the depth perception of a woman DW MegaAwful
I understand the AV voting system about as much as the rules of any American sport and their ability to call their own games played in their country as 'world series'MegaAwful
My forearms are so strong I could asphyxiate a bear MegaAwful
You call this torture? You might as well be using Ken Dodd's tickle sticksDW MegaAwful
I care as much about you as I do about the runny heap in the bottom of the toilet the morning after a vindalooMegaAwful
I've eaten so many Easter eggs, I feel like Rick Wallers left ventricle DW MegaAwful
Can you turn down the light? It's brighter than Ralph Wiggums night lightEP MegaAwful
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than spotting a curly black oneMegaAwful
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the ocean floorDW EP MegaAwful
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if Princes Diana turned up MegaAwful
If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like Hans MolemanDW MegaAwful
Nicholas Cage's film career is about as exciting as a long drive across the SaharaMegaAwful
If Paris is the city of love then Hull is the city of bowl movements MegaAwful
Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than a goldfish swimming around in a vat of gin and tonicMegaAwful
That bang was so loud I thought God had created another universe MegaAwful
When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as a Chihuahua making sweet sweet love to an Alsation MegaAwful
Just ran over my cat and now it's as dead as the dry inflamed itchy skin on my head. Damn psoriasisMegaAwful
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you warmed the contents of a building site toilet and served it in a crusty corpseMegaAwful
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you being orally pleasured by Stephen HawkinsMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been momentarily been encapsulated in my youthMegaAwful
A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been employed to do the voice of Ned FlandersEP MegaAwful
I'm so drunk, I feel like chicken tonight (well somebody had to didn't they?!)MegaAwful
Car insurance has become more over priced than a shopping list consisting of a pack of space raider crisps and a chompMegaAwful
You want me to do what? I'd have more luck finding a 4 leaf clover in the pot of gold at end of a rainbowDW MegaAwful
If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than Mohammed Al Fayed after revealing THAT statueMegaAwful
This jazz is smoother than the external surfaces of an untouched jellyMegaAwful
I forgot to buy milk so my pancakes ended up stodgier than porridge with the appearance of cottage cheese MegaAwful
When I was a teenager I had more spots than the display of the original GameBoyMegaAwful
My phone is so outdated it has a water wheel to power itMegaAwful
Getting dressed in the dark is more of a struggle than getting out of these chains in this coffin buried under all this concreteMegaAwful
If I eat any more I'll end up looking like I'm in some serious pain. I get such bad indigestion!DW MegaAwful
That guy has the dancing abilities of a two left footed, wonkey donkey with gout called MalcolmMegaAwful
No way could you do that. You've got more chance of cutting diamond with a butter knifeMegaAwful
This towel is so rough it's like ticklling your balls with a cactusMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than someone using the urinal next to you when there's clearly loads freeMegaAwful
Justin Bieber is more annoying than having someone accidentally stab you in the ballsMegaAwful
I'm so old I feel like I could make Monty Burns look like a newly bornMegaAwful
Petrol prices are getting more ridiculous than Bradford Bulls' capitulation at Millenium MagicMegaAwful
Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like somebody vomited in a bucket, left it for a few days, baked it in a turd case and served to be with a sprig of parsleyDW MegaAwful
By the time Amy Winehouse is 40 she will look like she would be the perfect replacement for chamois when I'm cleaning my car, with the sucking ability of a garden vac MegaAwful
When the probe was inserted I felt as if I'd accidentally stepped too close to Louis ShpenceMegaAwful
Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like the putrified vomit of a sea urchinMegaAwful
Just one lottery win and I will be as rich as one of Bill Gate's nostril hairsDW MegaAwful
Is it me or does that look weirder than watching N'gog actually scor a goal!MegaAwful
Is it me or does that look weirder than Liverpool fans thinking Torres was ever going to stayMegaAwful
That chatup line was more of a failure than Katie Price's string of marriagesDW MegaAwful
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Stephen Hawkins, at least he can use a computer to speak!MegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Audley Harrison reclaiming his dignity after THAT fightMegaAwful
When I first gazed into your eyes it was like get out of here I'm having a dump!MegaAwful
When I first gazed into your eyes it was like staring into the deepest pits of hellMegaAwful
That drunken text was a worse idea than Cora Berger's latest boob augmentationMegaAwful
That drunken text was a worse idea than heckling Eric Cantona from the front row of a football crowdMegaAwful
That drunken text was a worse idea than playing chicken with carbon control rodsMegaAwful
That drunken text was a worse idea than hiding Shannon Matthews in a bedDW MegaAwful
It's the weekend and I'm randier than Elias Koteas at the scene of an accidentMegaAwful
This toilet tissue is so soft it's like a bubble wrapped cloud on a bed of cotton woolMegaAwful
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