megaphoresMetaphors and Similes never looked so good

User profile for poostache

Total submissions: 34
Daily Wins: 6
Editors Picks: 3
Megaphails: 0
Average score: 71%


All submissions by poostache

If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than Bond's Jaws, who has just eaten Speilberg's Jaws, with a side order of the power of grayskull....MegaAwful
If Paris is the city of love then Hull is an alleyway bukake session with your mum...EP MegaAwful
When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as an Essex footballer talking about love & respect with Katie Price...MegaAwful
Car insurance has become more over priced than a pair of Couture Swarovski Crystal Jeans with a couple of 2012 Olympic Games tickets hanging out the back pockets....MegaAwful
You want me to do what? I'd have more luck than Tottenham getting through to the Semi Finals of the Champions League...MegaAwful
If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than if I was a banker, grew a conscience, gave back my bonus & became a teacher....MegaAwful
Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like the Bride of Wildenstein after a knife fighting exercise at Bath Uni Jitsu Club....EP MegaAwful
My new armour offers me about as much protection as the emperor's new clothes in the washing basket....MegaAwful
This jazz is smoother than Roger Moore's eyebrow, made of cashmere...MegaAwful
When I was a teenager I had more spots than biscuits I fed yo mamma last night.... MegaAwful
That guy has the dancing abilities of a grandfather at a wedding after the grandkids have spiked his G&T with meth..DW MegaAwful
Trying to organise things with my friends is a nightmare. They are slacker than Bill & Ted being late for the annual Slackers Convention. MegaAwful
Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather practice mooking with your great grandmother...DW MegaAwful
I'm so old I feel like a hungover Walter BreuningDW MegaAwful
Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than Michael Jackson's Doctor....MegaAwful
Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like burnt roadkill with grated fecal matter, done badly... MegaAwful
Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than a no armed gypsy watching a £2 coin roll down a hill..EP MegaAwful
Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than being a 30 year old virgin in a free bar on the last day of a Club 18-30 holiday. MegaAwful
Just found £1 in the street and now I'm as excited as an 18 year old on his birthday, in Amsterdam...MegaAwful
Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like the morning breath of the 2010 Rimming World Champion, hobo category...DW MegaAwful
Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like an improvement actually....MegaAwful
That joke made me laugh so hard I almost turned religious....MegaAwful
This box of freshly picked apples is like telling the doctor to 'go effing screw yourself'...MegaAwful
Just one lottery win and I will be as rich as the Bride of Wildenstein's plastic surgeon...MegaAwful
Just one lottery win and I will be as rich as Jose Antonio Martin making a couple of phone calls...MegaAwful
I wish I hadn't had that curry last night. My anus feels like someone has administered a 1001 hanbanero laced paper cuts... MegaAwful
Is it me or does that look weirder than the Bride of Wildenstein doing her weird face...MegaAwful
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Dubya Bush misunderarticulating one of his own Bushism's....DW MegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Mel Gibson getting a gig at a Jewish AA meeting..MegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Sian Massey getting over the fact she has to wear the same outfit as her colleaguesMegaAwful
Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Sian Massey understanding the offside rule...MegaAwful
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I'd hold up a bank without knowing...MegaAwful
When I first gazed into your eyes it was like my oculophilia had reached dizzying new heights.DW MegaAwful
This toilet tissue is so soft it's like anally humping the cat.MegaAwful
 
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