Metaphors and Similes never looked so good
Top 100 of all time
DW = Daily winner EP = Editors Pick MP = MegaPhail
1.Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than waking up to the tender spooning and gentle whispers of my drunk dad..DW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
2.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like butter had an affair with a silk worm and produced sheets of grotesquely comfy childrenEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
3.That joke made me laugh so hard I almost forgot it was about my small penis :(MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
4.When I first gazed into your eyes it was like my oculophilia had reached dizzying new heights.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
5.When the probe was inserted I felt as if I was finally home. Finally home..DW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
6.Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as an octogenarian octopusEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
7.Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time I accidentally turned to gay porn during the 'vinegar strokes'MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
8.A spider just landed on my face and I screamed like I'd been suplexed through a cattle gridDW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
10.That drunken text was a worse idea than going swimming with Michael Barrymore.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
11.Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than a ginger person without any.... no, no just a ginger personDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
12.If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than ...hang on...could you repeat the question please?MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
13.I wish I hadn't had that curry last night. My anus feels like It could have been used in 'Nam to save on napalm.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
15.Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather practice mooking with your great grandmother...DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
16.Trying to organise things with my friends is a nightmare. They are slacker than a Thai ladyboy's back pussyEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
17.My phone is so outdated it was originally on a list of that year's greatest innovations, along with 'the wheel' and 'fire'EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
18.I forgot to buy milk so my pancakes ended up stodgier than the waste from a liposuction clinicDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
20.If Paris is the city of love then Hull is an alleyway bukake session with your mum...EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
21.If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like im staging a re-enactment of the rectum of 1 guy 1 cup.EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
22.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like wiping your ass with Bon Jovi's hair.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
23.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like England's defence at the last world cup - expensive, crap and easy to poke your finger through. MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
24.That drunken text was a worse idea than trying to find out if it is possible to use your blanket as a parachute.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
25.Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than being beaten at pinball by a deaf, dumb and blind kidMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
26.This towel is so rough it's like the stubble you feel when your Grandma kisses youDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
28.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like every wipe that precede this one was steel woolMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
29.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like the sweet sweet embrace of a freshly shaved unicornDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
30.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like licking butter off a butterfly's buttock.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
31.That drunken text was a worse idea than doing a 500ft bungee jump with a 600ft bungeeEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
32.Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like the morning breath of the 2010 Rimming World Champion, hobo category...DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
33.Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than an inappropriately signposted floor in a compensation ad.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
34.When the probe was inserted I felt as if the medical for being a choir boy was surprisingly rigorousMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
35.Just found £1 in the street and now I'm as excited as a Scotsman that found a halfpennyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
36.That guy? He's about as manly as graham norton holding a strawberry cornetto....DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
38.When I'm finished with you your face will look like a tiger and it will cost £3. All proceeds go to Comic ReliefMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
39.My five year old son painted me a picture at school and it looks like I'm raising the next Charles Bronson!MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
40.Libya is in more of a mess than that prostitute I put through the woodchipperDW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
42.Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm incapalbe fo evn teh simlpest fo tskasMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
43.Where did you meet her? She looks like my old boxing gloves - sweaty and leathery, with fist-sized opening just waiting to be filledDW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
44.That bang was so loud I thought I'd probably broken her jaw...teach her to burn dinner...DW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
45.If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than Mr Rogers in a blood stained sweater.DW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
46.Anne Hathaway in a cat suit is like the icing on the cake, except the cake is just icing, and suddenly there's icing all over everything.DW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
47.When I first gazed into your eyes it was like the fact you were a video game character wasn't holding us back any longerEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
48.If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Harvey Price trying to count to bananaMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
49.Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than my face after you said Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppersMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
50.That model is so hot I would use my EXPENSIVE paints on this one! Maybe I'd even flock the base and show it off at Games Workshop!EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
51.A good chocolate brownie should have the consistency of not just any turd, but a freshly laid, extra nutty, fairtrade, M&S turdEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
53.Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than that time I got asked how many cocks I could fit in my mouth and replied " garglefhhthgargle".DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
54.When I first gazed into your eyes it was like "get out the way I'm trying to look at your mate"MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
55.Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Michael Jackon's superb doctor.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
56.Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like trying to make it to the end of Final Fantasy 7 with Aeris still aliveMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
57.That joke made me laugh so hard I almost certainly think you stole it from someone funnier than you.DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
58.That joke made me laugh so hard I almost had to suffocate a kitten to restore my equilibriumEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
59.Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather cry myself to sleep in the comfort of my own space podMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
61.For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than my pet rabbit will be for ruining my soupEP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
62.Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm putting my shin on a belt sander and laughing maniacallyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
63.Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as Justin Beiber's ballsackDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
65.Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like the Bride of Wildenstein after a knife fighting exercise at Bath Uni Jitsu Club....EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
66.A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you were lactose intolerant, a diabetic, and had a wheat allergy.DW EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
67.That bang was so loud I thought "Oh ho ho Mr. Microwave, how deep your sense of irony must run after cooking my platter of silver trout."EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
68.That bang was so loud I thought I'd hit that child at 40, but thankfully it was only 30 so there's an 80% chance they will liveMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
69.This toilet tissue is so soft it's like the touch of a hand wearing a satin glove.EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
70.That drunken text was a worse idea than that one time we decided to holiday in Vietnam and all those Yanks showed up..MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
71.It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I'd burst right out of this gimp suit.MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
72.If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Dubya Bush misunderarticulating one of his own Bushism's....DW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
73.If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than a Redneck retaking primary school for the 18th timeMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
75.That joke made me laugh so hard I almost made those adult nappies worth every pennyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
76.My five year old son painted me a picture at school and it looks like Mr. Freddy the punishment wrench is coming out againDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
77.Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than playing Tetris and getting non stop L shaped blocksMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
78.Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather re-enact 1 man 1 jar, live in front of all my family and friendsMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
79.My five year old son painted me a picture at school and it looks like he needs to find a new foster home immediatelyMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
83.Been listening to Chris Moyles for 30 hours straight and now I'm feeling more neurotic than a squirrel that's been partying with Charlie SheenDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
84.That drunken text was a worse idea than not sharing a Tesco's Finest pizza with your neighbour...MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
85.It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I would start to lactate ice cream.EP MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
86.If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Bush trying to point out Iraq on an inflatable globe with his toy rocket shipMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
87.No way could you do that. You've got more chance playing knock-a-door run with Barak ObamaDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
88.Midweek television has gone downhill faster than the cheese at the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling eventMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
89.It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder Harvey Price would think I was an Etch-a-SketchDW MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
90.Andy Gray is going to find it harder to get a job than Sian Massey understanding the offside rule...MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
91.Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like fapping until you are just about to splooge and then stoppingMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
92.This box of freshly picked apples is like telling the doctor to 'go effing screw yourself'...MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
93.Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like the Flash's nuts after a hard day of runnin!MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
94.Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like not just any dump but a sumptuous smelling, perfectly ripe, 21 day matured M & S dumpMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
95.When the probe was inserted I felt as if that time I put the gerbil up there was nothing in comparisonMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
96.Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than being a 30 year old virgin in a free bar on the last day of a Club 18-30 holiday. MegaAwesomeMegaAwful
97.Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than the time I tried to wank left handedMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
98.Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like each individual tastebud in my mouth got a massage WITH happy endingMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
99.Thank you for your kind invite, but I'd rather spend the evening searching Google for tubgirl, meatspin, blue waffle, pain olympics and 2 girls 1 cupMegaAwesomeMegaAwful
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Random Megaphore
My phone is so outdated it came out as a revolutionary alternative to cups and stringi like turtles90%