I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like a midlife crises 

Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like it was drank by pregnant whore and pissed out of her bastard child and leaked out her belly button

Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like if water could go bad.

Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like a sweet sunday stroll through a maze of leoprachans trying to eat their own pubic hair

Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like sweet sweet rainbow juice exploded in my mouth n gave birth to a sexy sexy mermaid no wait that's tropical skittles nvm

Most of the beer at beer festivals taste like macaulay culkin pissed (sitting down) into a can of his own feces mixed with ball sweat