I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

My phone is so outdated it was originally on a list of that year's greatest innovations, along with 'the wheel' and 'fire'

My phone is so outdated it comes with an over the shoulder carry strap

My phone is so outdated it doesnt even have Snake!

My phone is so outdated it uses a rotary dialer, plugs into the wall and has a curly cable to the handset. It's been nicknamed 'The House Phone'

My phone is so outdated it should get me a sympathy lay

My phone is so outdated it can only get you through to Alexander Graham Bell