I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I would start to lactate ice cream.

It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder Harvey Price would think I was an Etch-a-Sketch

It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder Even chuck Norris wouldn't fuck with em

It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder they'd have a 3rd dan...each

It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I'd burst right out of this gimp suit.

It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I could tune into the next radio station, and turn up the volume.