I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like I should have never slept with princess peach

Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like someone is going to be spending five nights in the death box

Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like choosing Bowser was a bad mistake.

Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like less of a man than Justin Bieber

Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like my guilty conscience is assuaged over the time I tried to sell him to the local zoo as food

Just got beaten on Mario Kart by my five year old son and now feel like Darth Vader