I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than Getting caught changing one hand to the other when beating the meat

When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than realising your opposition's mother was treated with Thalidomide during pregnancy with him

When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than having your corpse teabagged by the victor's hairy scrotum

When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than forgetting that you held onto that grenade too long back in 'Nam

When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than getting a tear in your mankini.

When engaged in hand to hand combat there's nothing more humiliating than remembering that you are only a black belt on Tekken 3