I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like the Bride of Wildenstein after a knife fighting exercise at Bath Uni Jitsu Club....

Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like I sucked a guy off and my face got pregnant.

Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like I've been used as a blunt weapon to beat someone to death

Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like the elephant man's tumours took a holiday to the delightful country of my face

Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like I got Tango'd by Brock Lesnar

Just been stung by a wasp and now my face has swollen up so bad it looks like michelin man's inflamed thyroid gland