I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than waking up to the tender spooning and gentle whispers of my drunk dad..

Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than When the mistake from the night before tries to slip a digit up my arse

Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than spotting a curly black one

Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than my cat jumping on me, trying to eat my toes

Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than the police sirens on their way to inspect my cellar

Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than that dream where you find a nice toilet and just relax your bladder...