I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Working on a weekend feels more wrong than enjoying the moment your finger pokes through using cheap loo roll

Working on a weekend feels more wrong than wanking on my granny, but at least working on a weekend doesn't cause the funeral director to kick me out.

Working on a weekend feels more wrong than when dog owners share ice creams with their dogs

Working on a weekend feels more wrong than touching little children... so that'll be two tickets to Heaven courtesy of the Pope then

Working on a weekend feels more wrong than paying £1.37 for a litre of petrol

Working on a weekend feels more wrong than masturbating over hearing your parents having sex