I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I’m about as happy as a icecream in a freezer

My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like a giant, unloved, lump of swiss cheese

My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like a Teletubby with a real, working antenna

My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like Kerry Katona

My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like a bigger mess than a rent boy farting...

My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like she's also tried to abort me by being kicked in the stomach and accidentally pushed down the stairs.

My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like she got fisted by a tiger during pregnancy