I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I've been violently skullfucked by a rather well endowed snowman

Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like my cerebro-spinal fluid was replaced with liquid nitrogen.

Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like Jack Frost is nipping at my Medula Oblongata

Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I've just been DDT'd through a frozen lake

Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like my brain is colder than a penguin's piss flaps

Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like the poster child for cold induced brain haemorrhages