I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as Jo.Murray. And. Pyull. Daddy.

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as Prince Philip has of visiting a foreign country without casually insulting every aspect of the local culture

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as Billy Connolly does of starring in Hung

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as Ronaldo does of not looking like a ball bag

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as a three-toed sloth does of performing an intricate tap dance

Andy Murray has as much chance of winning Wimbledon as my cock growing an extra 4 inches...to 14inches