I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Momma always said life is like a is like a stripclub, you can go wherever you want but you'll always find a cunt

Momma always said life is like a kitten - warm and fluffy on the outside, sour and crunchy on the inside

Momma always said life is like a milkshake. Best when chilled and can go sour if things get too heated.

Momma always said life is like a a box of chocolates - you have to choose the right one, and avoid the unwanted ginger

Momma always said life is like a soft boiled egg with buttered shoulders.

Momma always said life is like a tattoo being inked into your forehead. Constant searing pain and you look worse at the end of it