I’m about as happy as prince andrew in a pizza parlour

I’m about as happy as a nonce in a primary school

I’m about as happy as a paedophile in a playground

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I’m about as happy as a vulture in a plague

This curry is so spicy it feels like a raging bushfire, tearing through the bush

This curry is so spicy it feels like I just ate a million Scoville units.

This curry is so spicy it feels like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's being maced

This curry is so spicy it feels like I shouldn't have agreed to the Malari Tutu Tonton tribe initiation ceremony

This curry is so spicy it feels like my dick is burning up

This curry is so spicy it feels like it might be worth ripping my stomach open with a rusty spoon to avoid the inevitable ring of fire