I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as a fart in a library

If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as a flying brick

If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as James Bond, as he slips the Rohitnol into the unsuspecting womans drink.

If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as Nun in a brothel.

If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as a cactus in a nun's knickers

If I were a spy I'd be as subtle as the knife Prince Charles is planning on slipping between the Queen's ribs