I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Kid in a candy store

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than giving up a seat on the bus for a fat girl and asking "whens it due?"

Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than walking up to your Chinese buddy and saying "Hi Ling Fei" but realising it's actually Fu Wong

Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than seeing 'Britain's best business minds' hold up an orange and ask - 'Is this an orange?'.

Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than seeing my ex-boyfriend losing on 'Eggheads' last week.

Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than Jersey shore bred with Only way is Essex, on steroids. With a steaming dog turd in the middle

Made in Chelsea is more cringeworthy than Sobo oiling herself up.