I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than an Egyptian president after 30 years in office

Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than the time I gave her an amish snowplow, an angry pirate and a brown trout in the same night

Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than Robert Kubica approaching a corner too fast

Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than the time I made her a birthday card out of glitter, PVA glue and pubes

Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than Eddie Murphy.

Forgot to buy a Valentine's Day card and now I'm in more trouble than Silvio Burlisconi every day