I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I care as much about you as I do about the runny heap in the bottom of the toilet the morning after a vindaloo

I care as much about you as I do about a cold beer on a hot day. Perfect in moderation, but overdo it and your in the shit the next day

I care as much about you as I do about the goat for an African family you bought me for my birthday

I care as much about you as I do about sammichs. It's a directly proportional relationship: the more you bring, the more I care.

I care as much about you as I do about the fate of the Ewok race as shards of Death Star devastate their planet

I care as much about you as I do about my foot fungal infection, Bobby.