I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than Coke turd flushed in a 5am raid

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than Roger Rabbit, on a banana skin, pushing Baby Herman's pram down the appartment steps in Toontown

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than the cheese at the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling event

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than than the speed of light, proving Einstein wrong.

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than Divine Browne with Hugh Grant

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than a greyhound with a jar of mustard.