I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than an alzheimers patient who . . . to get to the other side

Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than a goldfish swimming around in a vat of gin and tonic

Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than young Timmy after being shown how to make the Grand Wizards snake spit

Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than ... wait, my 'pet elephant'? What kind of an accident was I in?!

Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than my Aunty Trevor who died last week trying to use her car keys on a zebra

Since the accident my pet elephant has been more forgetful than ....than....than.....damn what was I going to say.