I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Well, that was more embarassing than accidentally telling Cheryl Cole she had the American X-Factor job

Well, that was more embarassing than the time someone shouted "STOP THAT THIEF" and in my panic I powerbombed an old lady so hard her pelvis shattered

Well, that was more embarassing than the time I asked Steven Gerrard to see his Premier League medals collection

Well, that was more embarassing than the time I tucked my penis between my legs and went on a date with a man

Well, that was more embarassing than having sex with a women when a.) she wakes up b.) her partner walks in c.) dealing with your dad that angry

Well, that was more embarassing than when Kate and Gerry left their kids all alone in a hotel.