I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I like my women like I like my Pokémon. Paralyzed.

I like my women like I like my ping pong balls - cheap, Asian and enjoy being slammed around for hours...

I like my women like I like my my piss, wet and warm.

I like my women like I like my Final Fantasy XIII - beautiful, engaging and with a 20 hour tutorial

I like my women like I like my bowling balls - hard, round and with room for three fingers

I like my women like I like my football, lots of dribbling and kicking.