I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

Midweek television couldn't be worse at the moment if it was on a the weekend.

Midweek television couldn't be worse at the moment if the next episode of Jeremy Kyle had him debating the minutiae of financial law whilst swearing fealty to Nick Griffin

Midweek television couldn't be worse at the moment if every show was hosted by an equal opportunities replacement for Ant & Dec