I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Kid in a candy store

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

Red wine stains your teeth more than a night on your knees in a Brighton alley

Red wine stains your teeth more than the blood of a virgin

Red wine stains your teeth more than vaginal discharge stains your underwear