I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is Fudge

Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is going to increase shares in soap 1000 fold

Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is a lot more satisfying when draw David Cameron's face on it using your own faeces

Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is making me stanky

Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is like trying to dig a grave with a trowell

Environmentalists' policy on using only one square of toilet paper per visit is making my hand look like I've just eaten a bag of partly melted chocolate buttons