I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as an octogenarian octopus

Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as Justin Beiber's ballsack

Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as a shar pei on chemo meds

Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as the love child of Duncan Goodhew and Gail Porter

Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as an eagle with early onset feather loss

Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as shaved monkey....oh wait...