I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Rioters looting Aldi must be more desperate than 2 guys stranded on an island

Rioters looting Aldi must be more desperate than Joe Swash's agent. I'd loot Audis instead of Aldi's. Though I can spell and as such am ineligible to join.

Rioters looting Aldi must be more desperate than when you need a wee wee so badly you have to cross your legs to keep it in

Rioters looting Aldi must be more desperate than Gary Glitter's appeal for a Vietnamese visa