I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I'm so short sighted I thought this was my google search bar.

I'm so short sighted I can see the bacteria on the front of my eyeballs

I'm so short sighted I need a laser pointer to find the hole

I'm so short sighted I have to buy my newspapers in billboard-sheet

I'm so short sighted I Cant see if my eyes are open