I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

This gossip is juicier than a box of freshly picked apples

This gossip is juicier than the special happy time juice that erupts (as if from a particularly inky squid) from your mothers baby making parts

This gossip is juicier than an explosion at a Sunny Delight factory

This gossip is juicier than than a 1 kilo medium rare steak