I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

What the deuce? That's more revolting than that time I asked for 'The Works' in a Vietnamese brothel

What the deuce? That's more revolting than rimming Voldemort.

What the deuce? That's more revolting than Ann Robinson's vagina trying to do an impression of her face...

What the deuce? That's more revolting than the new Cream Cheese & Chives flavour milkshake from Frijj

What the deuce? That's more revolting than sucking rancid camel vomit from the festering anus of a two-months-dead mutilated toddler.

What the deuce? That's more revolting than the time I drowned a sack full of kiddies in that lake of puréed kittens