I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like somebody vomited in a bucket, left it for a few days, baked it in a turd case and served to be with a sprig of parsley

Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like you didn't listen.

Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like each individual tastebud in my mouth got a massage WITH happy ending

Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like something I scraped off my car tyre

Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like burnt roadkill with grated fecal matter, done badly...

Where did you learn to cook? This tastes like ass.