I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than A cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than being beaten at pinball by a deaf, dumb and blind kid

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than the time I tried to wank left handed

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than a no armed gypsy watching a £2 coin roll down a hill..

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than playing Tetris and getting non stop L shaped blocks

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than being a 30 year old virgin in a free bar on the last day of a Club 18-30 holiday.