I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Dubya Bush misunderarticulating one of his own Bushism's....

If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Harvey Price trying to count to banana

If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Stephen Hawkins, at least he can use a computer to speak!

If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than ...hang on...could you repeat the question please?

If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than George Bush trying to point out Iraq on an inflatable globe with his toy rocket ship

If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Stan Laurel after a massive dose of horse tranquillisers