I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Boxing couldn't be less exciting if Coldplay did the soundtrack, whilst David Cameron commentated

Boxing couldn't be less exciting if they scored bonus points for extra hugging

Boxing couldn't be less exciting if an arena double booking meant rounds were interspersed with the Mahjong world champsionships