I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than the Fonz, driving kitt, wearing ray bans with the air-con on full whack

Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than just being rich and making a crappy black S&M suit. Utility belt, my ass.

Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than the following 15 secs where Parker ran around screaming "get it off me, get it off me!"

Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than The bear from the Birds-Eye adverts

Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than some methods of superhero creation, but not better than having adamantium claws.

Getting bitten by a radioactive spider would be cooler than the time I was under 12's school chess champion