I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

If my eyes were any closer together I would cry a single stream of free flowing tears for all the ones that rejected me

If my eyes were any closer together I would be able to go on britain's got incest for a chance to perform for jeremy kyle

If my eyes were any closer together I would have the depth perception of a woman

If my eyes were any closer together I would have to go pick a fight to go get them separated again.

If my eyes were any closer together I would be a cyclops

If my eyes were any closer together I would be able to use a monacle indtead of a pair of glasses