I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

My buddy thinks he's a street thug, but he's really whiter than A cup of milk on a paper plate during a snowstorm.

My buddy thinks he's a street thug, but he's really whiter than Michael Jackson

My buddy thinks he's a street thug, but he's really whiter than A mayonnaise sandwich with the crusts cut off.

My buddy thinks he's a street thug, but he's really whiter than my stomach after drinking bleach.

My buddy thinks he's a street thug, but he's really whiter than a suburban dishwasher

My buddy thinks he's a street thug, but he's really whiter than my wanking sock.