Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than A bitch ass hoe

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of being bitten by a daffodil!

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of catching a brick in a cobweb!

Me and my buddy are so close we’re like 2 balls in a bag

Even though Kylie Minogue is in her 50’s, I’d still rather bang Jason Donovan

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of tossing a small boy in between two Catholic priests and watching them fight to the death.

Even though Kylie Minogue is in her 50’s, I’d still pick the peanuts out of her crap just to see where they came from

I'm going to punch you so hard Jesus will forget his last name

She looked at me like I'd just adopted chicken poop

The temperature is so hot I would become roast chicken

That chatup line was more of a failure than the Wii U's selling rates!

After decades of anabolic steroid abuse, her breasts looked like two deflated Mylar balloons.

No way could you do that. You've got more chance Of finding a ride Mark on an Asians neck.

Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than Candice when I lick her cunt

Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than Octopuses bellybutton

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of being treated fairly by the human race and getting what you deserve just for being a good honest person and working h

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of having a threesome with Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lawrence, and Sara Jean Underwood.

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of working for ALTICE and getting a raise.

No way could you do that. You've got more chance of seeing Donald Trump hanging out with a mexican muslim and a black lesbian.

I'm going to punch you so hard you wont be able to drop a load

I'm going to punch you so hard your sniffer falls off

After decades of anabolic steroid abuse, her breasts looked like peanuts

No way could you do that. You've got more chance Fucking a dead nun

Donald Trump looks like somebody drew a face on a plum and then lost it for a month.

Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than a mermaids minge

Well that plan went down like a cup of hot sick

When I'm finished with you your face will look like Butta

Just been for a run and now I'm sweatier than a nonce in a playgym

Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than A cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor

After decades of anabolic steroid abuse, her breasts looked like someone had cast Petrify on them

After decades of anabolic steroid abuse, her breasts looked like Ryvita thins

Spent five minutes outside today and now I'm wetter than A lesbian in a locker room

I need a piss so badly I could I need a piss so badly I could ... aaaaaahh

My 4K TV is so high definition My TV is so high definition to the ceiling

My 4K TV is so high definition that badly chosen camera angles in pornos are genuinely mentally scarring

No way could you do that. You've got more chance Of being handcuffed by ghosts

My hangover is so bad I feel like I’ve been cast as a zombie extra in the Living Dead

Just been for a run and now I'm sweatier than an Alabama mooncricket on a rape charge.

I haven't panicked this much since my old gran caught her tit in the mangle.

Her face is so old it looks like elbow skin.

I'm going to punch you so hard it will alter your DNA.

His handshake was so limp It was like shaking hands with a dead fish.

Even though Kylie Minogue is in her 50’s, I’d still let her touch my special area

Even though Kylie Minogue is in her 50’s, I’d still crawl inside her turtle shell

My 4K TV is so high definition I can see the lizard in Boris Johnson's eyeballs

My 4K TV is so high definition you can see a gnats pube at a thousand paces.

Midweek television has gone downhill faster than Than a rabbit running down hill on a promise.

That beer tastes like The scrapings from the devils jock strap.

The final season of Game Of Thrones was more disappointing than getting together with your lifelong crush, only to find out she has burger nips

No way could you do that. You've got more chance Shaving a bobcat in a phone booth