I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Have you met my friend Jesus? He's the best imaginary friend a man could ask for

Have you met my friend Jesus? He's THE man to go to if you're after a fish butty

Have you met my friend Jesus? He's just come out of a long term relationship and his confidence has taken a dent, can you please give him your number?

Have you met my friend Jesus? He's like the Jack Bauer of the new testement

Have you met my friend Jesus? He's so off his tits on smack he thinks he's the son of God and can perform miracles

Have you met my friend Jesus? He's always moaning about how his birthday is on Christmas day and people buy him "Joint Presents" all the time