Top 10 by Faroutman
It's so cold outside. If my nipples were any harder I would start to lactate ice cream.
That joke made me laugh so hard I almost certainly think you stole it from someone funnier than you.
A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you were lactose intolerant, a diabetic, and had a wheat allergy.
If I ate a dolphin I would be more powerful than Mr Rogers in a blood stained sweater.
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than ...hang on...could you repeat the question please?
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than that time I got asked how many cocks I could fit in my mouth and replied " garglefhhthgargle".
Being a 51 year old virgin is leaving me more frustrated than that time I couldn't get the square peg through the round hole...
If I was on Mastermind I would look dumber than Einstein, but look more intelligent than the guy who comes second...
When I first gazed into your eyes it was like "get out the way I'm trying to look at your mate"
Just been for a run and now I'm sweatier than an average american who just walked up the stairs