Top 10 by i like turtles

I forgot to buy milk so my pancakes ended up stodgier than the waste from a liposuction clinic
i like turtles | 09/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 101
Used Veet instead of shampoo this morning and now I'm as bald as Justin Beiber's ballsack
i like turtles | 19/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 98
My phone is so outdated it came out as a revolutionary alternative to cups and string
i like turtles | 07/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 98
4
For missing the sentence start again the creators of Megaphores are sorrier than someone who looked at Chuck Norris in the wrong tone of voice
i like turtles | 15/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 86
5
Waiting for Andy Murray to win a grand slam is like fapping until you are just about to splooge and then stopping
i like turtles | 31/01/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 86
6
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time Elton John sang "Are you ready for love?" and I said "Yes I am!"
i like turtles | 31/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 82
7
The Royal Wedding would be infinitely more interesting if coverage was sponsored by Anusol
i like turtles | 19/04/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 77
8
My new armour offers me about as much protection as a pair of Adamantine nipple rings
i like turtles | 22/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 74
9
I couldn't be happier if I was on a Prozac drip with a Nitrous oxide mask
i like turtles | 11/03/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 72
10
Just gave 9 pints of blood in one sitting and now I feel like a pepperami
i like turtles | 18/06/2011 | Permalink | MegaScore: 66