Top 10 by generic username
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than waking up to the tender spooning and gentle whispers of my drunk dad..
That bang was so loud I thought I'd probably broken her jaw...teach her to burn dinner...
My mother tried to abort me with a coathanger and I turned out like a giant, unloved, lump of swiss cheese
Just been for a run and now I'm sweatier than an orgy at weightwatchers. In a sauna.
Spring has sprung, the daffodils are out and I feel gayer than the time me & my friend were play wrestling & we accidently made eye contact... & then I accidently bummed him...
This inner ear infection is making me clumsier than a 1 legged giraffe trying to stand on marbles
Just downed 10 slush puppies and now I feel like I've been violently skullfucked by a rather well endowed snowman
When it comes to dating I'm as shallow as a puddle on the sun
If I got a tattoo I'd be more popular than the kid who had 3 shiny Charizards at school
Where did you meet her? She looks like my mate Brian.. who I haven't actually seen since that 'operation' he mentioned...