Top 10 by Hoggy
If I don't stop drinking whisky my liver will look like im staging a re-enactment of the rectum of 1 guy 1 cup.
No way could you do that. You've got more chance of using that expired condom you keep in your wallet 'just incase'
My phone is so outdated it doesnt even have Snake!
That drunken text was a worse idea than going swimming with Michael Barrymore.
Someone took a dump in my shoe and it smells like a gnome and a tramp cross bred and the mutant offspring was the culprit.
When I showed up to that Bar Mitzvah I felt about as welcome as when i turned up at veterans day as Hitler, complete with finger 'tash
Nothing gets me out of bed quicker than When the mistake from the night before tries to slip a digit up my arse
Life through Charlie Sheen's eyes must be loonier than Space Jam, part deux.
Nicholas Cage's film career is like a combination of Lady Gaga and a Laurel and Hardy sketch. Terrible, mad, and yet slightly amusing.
I care as much about you as I do about a cold beer on a hot day. Perfect in moderation, but overdo it and your in the shit the next day